Monday, October 13, 2014

ROUGH (AND AWFUL, WE'RE PRETTY SURE) TRANSLATION

So in our last posting, we were talking about how impossible it would be to translate our story poems into another language.

Today, we will demonstrate what we are talking about by doing a rough translation of part of Frizzy, the S.A.D. Elf  into French.

First, here's the picture for this part of the story,  Frizzy and Dizzy are in the ElfGym trying to figure out a new job for her. (The problem is that Frizzy feels terribly sad every Christmas after Santa has taken away the dolls for delivery that she has worked on and really loves.)



So here's the English version:

Then just when she needed him Dizzy came in,
As usual, wearing an ear-reaching grin.
“Hi Frizz,” Dizzy said, his smile turning to frown.
“I can see by your face that you’re feeling quite down.
Now, I’ve done some research, and have found out, you see,
Your annual trouble is called S.A.D.”
“What’s that?” Frizzy asked, “Does that mean I am sad?”
“No, it’s a description of why you feel bad.
The S is for Seasonal—each Christmas Day
You miss all your dollies when they go away.
The A’s for Affection—the clear reason why
You yearn for your dollies, and that makes you sigh.
The D’s for Distress—‘cause you’re feeling so blue.
Your dollies’ departure is awful for you.”
“But what I can work on instead, do you think?
To cure S.A.D. and feel more in the pink?”
Dizzy said, “Maybe building blocks, they’re awfully bland
And boring, ‘til held in a clever child’s hand.
It’s not until then that their magic turns on.
I doubt you’d miss building blocks after they’re gone.”


Now we've got to go take a look at how this looks in French.  We'll be right back.

 ***

OK, we're back.  Here's the French:


Puis juste au moment où elle avait besoin de lui Dizzy est entré, 
Comme d'habitude, le port d'un sourire d'oreille portée  
"Salut Frizz," Dizzy dit, son sourire tournant de froncer les sourcils.
 «Je peux voir votre visage que vous vous sentez très bas.  
Maintenant, j'ai fait quelques recherches et j'ai découvert, voyez-vous,  
Votre trouble annuel est appelé SAD " 
 "Qu'est-ce que c'est?" crépus demandé, 
"Est-ce que cela signifie que je suis triste?"
 "Non, c'est une description pourquoi vous vous sentez mal.
 L'S est pour saisonnier-chaque jour de Noël  
Vous oubliez tous vos chariots quand ils s'en vont. 
 d'affection-la raison précise pour laquelle de 
l'A Vous aspirez à vos chariots, et qui vous fait soupirer. 
 L'D's de la détresse -'cause vous vous sentez si bleu.
 départ de vos chariots est terrible pour vous. "  
"Mais ce que je peux travailler sur place, pensez-vous?  
Pour guérir SAD et se sentent plus dans le rose? " dit Dizzy, 
"Peut-être que la construction blocs, ils sont terriblement fade et ennuyeux, 
'til tenu dans la main d'un enfant intelligent. 
 C'est seulement alors que leur magie s'allume.
 je doute que vous oubliez de blocs de construction après ils sont partis. 

 
We suspect that roughly rendering this into French negates what Red City Review said about the English version: "Jensen’s narrative rhymes the whole way through...while creating playful sentences that move it along. The rhymes do not seem forced and fit into the story perfectly."

We rest our case.

Love from:

Bizzy, Blizzy,  Vertigineux Dizzy, Fizzy,  Cheveux Crépus Frizzy, Quizzy, Tizzy, Whizzy (and Honorary Izzy Elf, Deedy)

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